Being Alone

Ms. Wolf was depressed.  And stressed.  Never a solitary critter, she’d felt very much alone since her mate had left her.  Or since she’d kicked him out.  Or since he’d been lured away.   Whatever.  She wasn’t sure anymore what had happened … it was so confusing.  From time to time, in the depths of her loneliness she’d cry out, “What’s the matter with me?  Wolves mate for life!  Why did he leave?  Why am I alone?”  And she would howl from time to time at the sympathetic moon.

Well, that is the Animal condition isn’t it?  Your mate runs off or perishes … your parents pass on, your offspring leave the nest.  And there you are.  A gaping hole in your life, once crowded with laughter, bickering, romance, hard work …   Such is the quality of aloneness.

Or perhaps it’s more subtle than that.  Maybe a friend betrayed your confidence.  Maybe someone you trusted acted in a less than trustworthy way.  Perhaps a relative gave his word and then broke it.  In all of those cases, you suddenly felt apart from, distanced from that person.  Before, you’d felt close, together, at-one.  Afterwards, you began to doubt.  You no longer felt so close … you felt a gap open up between you.  You began to feel alone.  And along with that, came loneliness and the anxiety of loneliness as well.

When Ms. Wolf came to me, she was in such a state!   She’d tried running with other wolves, group hunts.  She began hanging out with unattached males.  Once she’d even looked after the cub of a male whose mate had died.  But after all of that she was still alone.  Wondering what to do next.  Wondering what to say to The Pack.  Worrying about who she would be with when Winter Solstice came around.  It’s terribly lonely, howling at the moon by oneself.

So my first task was to help Ms. Wolf to see that the real problem was not her life situation, but rather her habitual emotional patterns.  Her lack of a mate did not make her feel uptight and lonely.   That absence did not somehow carry loneliness vibes with it which mystically transferred themselves to her.  Rather, she, like most of us, had been raised with certain beliefs and expectations.  When her situation did not measure up to these, she automatically began rejecting her life and craving what appeared to be the ‘natural’ condition.  What ‘everyone else’ had.

So here is the key point:  she began to reject her feelings of loneliness and the life situation that went with it on the one hand.  And at the same time, she began wanting, craving, clinging to the thought of its opposite – craving  a mate, craving  a relationship … wanting a partner to run and howl with.

And these two energies, rejecting on the one hand and craving on the other, kept her in a constant state of misery.  She had caught and snared herself in an invisible trap whose two jaws are labelled reject and crave.  So in order to help her win free of that, I came up with a releasing process, very much like the one in the audio links below.

If you are feeling stressed and alone like Ms. Wolf, I suggest that you click on the first audio link below:   Beyond Alone – Part 1.  It is the first of 5  short meditations, designed to help you to work through your loneliness or loss of closeness.  And in doing so, to eliminate another source of stress.  And also to shift awareness so that you can start to bring more one-ness and connectedness into your life.

Beyond Alone – Part 1

Beyond Alone – Part 2

Beyond Alone – Part 3

Beyond Alone – Part 4

Beyond Alone – Part 5



Into the Valley of Alzheimers: Stress and Control

Nancy is the family matriarch:   The Boss Lady, Queen Bee, Grand Ma.    For a long time, Nancy reigned with great skill and dignity.  But a few years ago she began showing her age. Her memory became erratic.  She had strange mood swings.  She had difficulty organizing her thoughts.  Now, she can no longer live on her own … is clearly on the long march down into the valley of Alzheimers.  At times she is lucid.  At times she makes no sense.  Often she misses her children and wants them to stay with her constantly.  Sometimes she doesn’t trust them and wants them to leave –  NOW. More

Stalked by the Ottas and the Gottas … or …

Is Your To-Do List Bigger Than Your Life?

I feel so stressed, overwhelmed  …  am just too busy …  too much to do … .  feeling panicky …  feel so guilty …  it’s too much … sometimes I just want to give up!      Sound familiar?   Do you stress in this way?

Most of us are stalked by Ottas and Gottas.  The ought-to’s, the shoulds, I really should ….  and also the got-to’s, the musts, I really must …   As a panda, I know what it is to be stalked by predators.  And let me tell you, compared to the Ottas and the Gottas, a lion is small potatoes. More

Grief and Loss: Grieving ‘cleanly’ into Peace.

Sandi and George were engaged to be married.  One evening George failed to show up for their usual dinner date and Sandi began getting a bad vibe.  She tried calling him but her messages went to voicemail. A short time later, her phone rang.   It was George’s brother.  He told her that the police had just contacted him.  George had been in a bad traffic accident and was at the hospital undergoing surgery.

 Sandi rushed over to the hospital immediately.  She waited anxiously for the George to be brought out of the ICU. The hours passed.   But he never was taken to the ICU.  George died on the operating table. 

 As you might imagine, Sandi was devastated.  They were so good for each other, looking forward to spending the rest of their lives together.  Then suddenly, it was over.  Just like that, all of her plans and hopes were gone.  There was a gaping hole now where once  George had been.


The grief and pain that come with the death of a loved one is a complicated thing.  So too, the stress that accompanies any kind of major loss:  a job, a relationship, a really good life situation. More

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